On Sunday, April 28, the church committee who delivered a
sermon at that time inserted a topic of “Triangular Theory of Love”. That
really caught my attention so I also wanted to explore further here.
Triangular Theory of Love is developed by a psychologist,
Robert Sternberg, which divided three components of love as intimacy, passion,
and decision/commitment. Further, the combination of the presence or absence of
these three components forms seven kinds of love experience: liking/friendship,
infatuated love, empty love, romantic love, companionate love, fatuous love,
consummate love. Whereas, the absent of intimacy, passion, and commitment is
what-so-called non love.
Stenberg believed that all couples in love will
experience intimate, passionate, and committed love. Although love quality may
exist in non-loving relationship, but Stenberg’s are specific to loving
relationship.
Above is the famous diagram of Triangular Theory of Love.
I should have known that those psychologists must have the theory of love. Some
say that love is about feeling, means abstract thing that cannot be measured
but some say that love is about thinking, means thing that you can control or
manage in your brain. Even so-familiar-name-during-my-literature-study Sigmund
Freud, whose theory of id, ego, and super ego is ringing the bell, also viewed
love as the need for an “ego ideal”.
1. INTIMATE LOVE
Intimate love felt between two
people means that they each feel a sense of high regard for each other. They
wish to make each other happy, share with each other, be in communication with
each other, help when one is in need. A couple with intimate love deeply values
each other. Intimate love has been called the "warm" love because of the
way it brings two people close together.
SOFU said: It’s like those couple in their dating period.
Everything seems beautiful and easy. They live in their own world which is
occupied by only two.
2. PASSIONATE
LOVE
Passionate love is based on drive. Couples
in passionate love feel physically attracted to each other. Sexual desire is
typically a component of passionate love. Passionate love is not limited to
sexual attraction, however. It is a way for couples to express feelings of
nurture, dominance, submission, self-actualization, etc. Passionate love is
considered the "hot" component of love because of the strong presence
of arousal between two people.
SOFU said: Though couples who are dating must have drive
on each other, the correct time to experience it is when they are
husband-and-wife.
3. COMMITED LOVE
Commitment, or committed love, is
for lovers who are committed to being together exclusively for a long period of
time. Something to note about commitment, however, is that one can be committed
to someone without feeling love for him or her, and one can feel love for
someone without being committed to him or her. Commitment is considered to be
the "cold" love because it does not require either intimacy or
passion. Sternberg believed that committed love increases in intensity as the
relationship grows.
SOFU said: This is proven for those couples who have
married, raising children, and getting old. Or, possibly it is for them who by
force marry and cannot do divorce.
It is just my thought that the most important component
is committed love. It is something that should be learned and built day by day.
Meanwhile, intimate and passionate love will automatically be present when you
are falling in love. However, should committed love be declared legally?
Anyway, below are the 7 love experiences:
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INTIMACY
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PASSION
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COMMITMENT
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LIKING / FRIENDSHIP
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INFATUATED LOVE
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EMPTY LOVE
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ROMANTIC LOVE
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COMPANIONATE LOVE
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FATUOUS LOVE
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CONSUMMATE LOVE
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